Arguments… are growing pains

 In Marriage, SOS Marriage

Arrrghhhh!  Sometimes our husband or wife can be SOOOO frustrating! It can seem like they intentionally push our ‘hot buttons’ just to get us going. Why is that those closest to us seem to annoys us the most?

You might be surprised to hear that subconsciously, we each seek a partner who will help us in the process of growth, who will facilitate the resolution of childhood frustrations and enable us to mature in spiritual strengths. Therefore it is inevitable that there will be irritation and arguments. These are the growing pains of the strength-building process.

When our husband or wife or child pushes our buttons or annoys us, he/she is doing exactly what they are supposed to do!

Instead of seeing disagreements and irritations as indicative of a flawed relationship, see them as growth opportunities. They are growing pains and they are always more about us than they are about the other.

For example, almost every parent has prayed for or willed to have more patience. When that toddler has a meltdown for the third time that day and we are at our wits end, we are desperate for help. If we are honest with ourselves, we usually don’t desire more ‘patience’ – we desire different behaviour in our children, or maybe even different children! We want them to change, not us! Yet we cannot grow in patience without our patience being tested… that’s how it works. You might be the most patient person in the world but it’s all just theoretical until it is put to the test.

For Better or Worse? When they hit a rough spot in their marriage, most couples catastrophize – they believe the marriage is fatally faulted or even doomed. In most cases, it’s simple growing pains and there is really only one cure – to grow through it by enhancing our spiritual strengths. What we might think are the ‘worse’ times in our marriage, are actually opportunities – arguments are the doorway to personal growth and ultimately a richer, more fulfilling relationship.

Francine & Byron Pirola
Francine & Byron Pirola are the authors SmartLoving Series and the founders of the Stick Kit. They have worked with thousands of couples in several countries over the past 20 years. They have been married since 1988 and have five children.
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